pregnancy "morning sickness"

pregnancy "morning sickness"

I think this might be the hardest thing I've gone thru... still going thru.

I feel nausea everyday all day (I think there's been maybe a few days were I was OK most of the day).
I have no appetite.
My body is worn out from throwing up. On average 4x per day...
I have nausea meds - the one that works the best comes with a risk. There's a small chance for cleft lip and small holes in the babies heart. I've been praying against that every time I've taken a pill.

I've missed a lot of work. Which is better than H, b/c when she was pregnant, she didn't work for 4 months.

Riding in a car is horrible. And smells are bad. Everything smells a LOT stronger.. bread, food, my dog, ALL smells. B's deodorant.

Friday I came home from work and didn't go outside until Monday evening. I sat in the car while B went into the store. Bad idea.

I'm discouraged b/c I feel like I am trying to survive - keep on living.
I've had food poisoning before - throwing up for about 3 days. Then slowly going back to normal.

This pregnancy - all rules for normal illness are out. Up is down and down is up.
Everyone keeps saying, eat crackers, rice, bread. When your stomach is empty is when the sickness will happen.
That's not true with me.
I've thrown up on empty stomach, on full stomach, on part full stomach, when I wake up, before bed, in the middle of the night.

I've been trying to trust in God and pray; it's hard when I feel like I'm dying.

B and I are praying and hope tri 2 will be better and the nausea/sickness will go away.

I've read some forums on pregnancy sites and talked to some ppl. Seems like pregnancy can affect everyone differently - some women do just fine... some completely awful and everywhere in between.

H took the same meds wit her daughter and E came out fine.
I'm stressed b/c there is a chance (the ob has 2 kids. took the meds with both her kids. one was fine, the other had the cleft lip (fixed with surgery) and small holes in the heart that the girl grew out of)
Stressed b/c missed work and therefore smaller paychecks...

Next appt is 28th and 2 tri starts around Sept 7... Labor day. ha.

I'm trying to get thru 1 day at a time. It's hard.
I am not for abortion - , but the thought has entered my head several times.

The baby is a size of a prune over 10 weeks now...

2014 -> 2015 woo woo

"Pour Moi"

2014 was a whirlwind of events, emotions, people... Got married! Everything involving our wedding with family and friends had it's highs and it's lows. // Oh house hunting + buying = held on to my hat, well I tried to anyway!

2015 After all the events / demands / obligations in 2014 - I want 2015 to be a start of us (B and I) living / doing / attending / going / staying / ... the things / places / events / stuff / ... we want to!

Obligations suck. So we're burning the rule book, and making our own.

Yup...

Someone I know is un-officially engaged... And I have been un-officially asked to be in her wedding! 2016 haha.

L turned 9 -

I probably should try to have a baby soon if I am going to... Don't want to be pregnant.. I hear it's awful. Then the 'newborn stage' is the worse.

Goal. Big Goal - (that I am not even sure if it will really even happen)
Buy houses and rent then out, make money and be happy.

Or something like that........


Started reading those divergent books. (On the first one)

Made it thru Thanksgiving with B's family.

Wish I made more money - to buy more gifts for ppl or better gifts.


time to roll out.
peace.
kb

Home?

....I want to be in a house...
Take out a loan, "buy" a house - and move it.
Start a garden, paint some walls, organize our stuff, and all that jazz....

Have a doggy door for Lucy...

Yup.

........what do I want to look back and remember... (Being at peace and feeling good.)

when I 'let things go' - that are beyond my control - I feel a lot better.
I have allowed myself minutes/hours to be mad/upset - then I don't have control over it - it's a waste to keep thinking about it and dwell on it.

One example: House. The $ needed for a house inspection + down payment + ER fund + ER house fund + closing + and other house money is not there (yet)
After the wedding exp, there isn't enough $ for a "move in ready house"  + with our requirements.

And we don't have enough cash & time for a "fixer - upper"
We wouldn't mind a fixer, but b/c of $ (and the time involved/needed) it is too risky for us currently.

I still want a house before (or soon after the wedding) - my wants and thoughts and opinions have stayed the same, but I have made peace / let go of thinking it might/could happen. And I am not perusing a house search of "I wish!!"
B and I have agreed on this together.

It feels good to have made a realistic decision.

--------------------------------
B and I went out to the wedding venue this past weekend.
They redid the floors - so that is cool. White title vs. Wood (or wood-look-a-like?)

1 Table can have 8 ppl (not counting 2 on the ends)
They are rectangle shaped.
They arrangement of tables will be "perfect" if we have 99 or less ppl come. If we have more than 99 the table arrangement might be a little "unique"

At this point, I don't care. It's a wedding - it's going to last maybe 5 ish hours for most guests.
If it's good weather - there's 4 outside tables that would LOVELY to make use of.
Table layout:

The DJ - is sch (praying that he (and his wife) show up) One of B's co-workers that does it on the side.

The photographer is sch (one of my co-workers. Not a "professional" but I have made peace with not hiring a profession photographer.
She is EXCITED to do the wedding and has bought some things -  Wedding Doors. She has window frames and chalk boards. And she said she made her own 'photobooth' and used it at her church already. So yay!

Brian has his tux/suit ordered and the guy's set up for them to order and get fitted.

We called an officiant - but haven't received an email yet.. Need to call again.

We know how much the cake will cost - plans to order it on Saturday.
(Sheet cake and a small round one for us to cut.)

peace.
-kb

True colors

AK told me thru this whole wedding process that - people's true colors would come out.
SO TRUE.

To be fair and honest, I should have seen it coming. (She has a track record with the family)

This person is related to B - I will call her S.
S told me when B and I got engaged - how HAPPY and etc she was. She wanted to be my "wedding planner" - she had all kinds of ideas.
Have I heard from her since? No. I tried to get some advice/help a few times - no help.
She has not called, message, anything.
She does live couple of hrs from us - but only a couple.

I never expected to become BFF's with her - but when someone tells me the above statements and such - I got my hopes up - I was naive to believe her.

She missed one shower and won't be attended the other. I am pissed/hurt. She had somewhat of an "excuse" for the first one, but the 2nd one.
Basically there is something else she wants to do more. So she will be missing my 2nd shower.

-kb

PS I have been having LOT of crazy dreams. Zombies. House hunting. Running in the woods. Hair cutting.  All kinds of dreams. Some good. Some bad.

Turned in my dress for altering...
gulp.

Needs someone to married B and I.

Don't know if we will be allowed to go to Mexico for our Honeymoon.

Went to some Open Houses yesterday.
Found one that I actually liked and FELT good about.

Gift giving... wedding things...

...overwhelmed...
I think that would be my #1 'emotion' - thru these whole life events... (Getting married in April. Looking for a house to buy. Raising a Boston Terrier puppy....)

Overwhelmed with "To do" lists
Overwhelmed with "make a decision"

Ann shared this with me http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794.html
I think I somewhat fit...

Everyone keeps telling me, "your wedding day is about you and B and what you want..."
It is. But also about our fam/friends/guests... and about a BUDGET
Example: Food serving bbq chicken and turkey. Along with (maybe) mushroom ravioli.

BBQ meat b/c MOST of the ppl  coming like me and it will be easier to have budget wise. (With the help of B's groomsman, D - who is a manager for a BBQ joint. And will be giving us a discount.)

Mushroom ravioli - I like it. It is vegetarian - so the few veg eaters will have an option.
Well, J (bridesmaid) is allergic to mushrooms. I don't see how this will be "THAT BIG" of a deal - b/c they will be separate. Just say away from the rav. I thought about having cheese rav instead, but I don't want to eat cheese rav.  (I won't eat bbq meat.)
So unless/until I come up with a different veg option, we are having mush. rav. And J will just have to stay away. If she can eat in restaurants with other tables eating mushrooms. Then she can do it at my wedding.
It should be fine. It's a wedding, not a 5th grade lunch food fight...

Different subject:
Bridal showers
Wow.
1 down 2 to go.
1st one was good. A lot of my mom's friends were there - some I barely known, or haven't met before.
It is always a blessing to receive gifts. It's awesome - just makes me feel a little awkward getting gifts from ppl I barely know or don't know..
I know I don't - but in my head, I feel like I might "owe" them something. I know it's silly.
I am not that materialistic of a person - and when someone spends their hard earned money on me, it is a BIG deal to me.
I feel blessed, but slightly awkward about it. Idk. I'm weird.

So I have 2 more to go. 1 is at work - all the ladies . D just sent out a mass invite to the ladies.
So other than 3 co-workers that are invited to the wedding, no body else is.
(Hey come to my wedding shower and buy me a gift, but oh by the way, you are not invited to the wedding.. -gulp-)

The last one is 'family' S is throwing it - where idk. And the family coming, I have met once, at the reunion last yr. IF you call that meeting them. Other than, S, S' mom, K, AK, and my mom - I am not really "friends" with them and they aren't invited to the wedding - I would LOVE to invite everyone but I can't. The venue only allows so many, and I can't afford to feed that many ppl.
I feel 'bad' for having a shower, and not being able to have them at the wedding...

I guess if they didn't want to come / didn't want to buy me a gift, they wouldn't. No one is forcing them to.
So ya...

hahha.